XXXchurch.com


Porn Addiction Confessions and Stories

What have I gotten myself into?!

Posted on April 5th, 2016 in Pastors Confessions

My first exposure to porn was when I was about 13 years old, a young man invited my friends and I to his home to watch a movie. Little did I know that it was porn, I was not ready for what came on the screen – wanted to get out of there as fast as I could but the door was shut and was forced into watching it. I sat there and filled my mind with this strange thing that looked abnormal. I hated myself. I hated women for allowing this to be done to them, but I was also curious. Months later I found a stash of xxx magazines in my cousins bedroom (he didn’t do a good job in hiding them). This continued for sometime as I visited my cousin’s place.

Finally got over it when I came to Christ at age 19 – and lived a normal life,though I would still lust after women I did not turn to porn.

Fast forward, 3 years later I went to study theology at a Seminary. Theology became my life and anyone who believed the wrong kind of theology faced my wrath. A friend on Facebook commented on a status of a false prophet, and I clicked on the status to see what he wrote but I stumbled into something else.

Someone had posted on link on the comment section with a sex story, my curiosity got the better of me so I clicked on the link. it didn’t contain explicit images but aspace I through the sex stories my mind starting all those images that I had seen when I was young. For a couple of days I struggled in my thoughts till I eventually starting searching for porn. Started with softer images but it grew into even more explicit images, it was like opening Pandora’s box.

At that time I was appointed as a youth pastor, and the shame of having seen those images would overwhelm that I would make an excuse not to minister to the youth. I hated looking at the girls as sex objects rather than God’s image bearers. I hated my life.

Two years later I’m still struggling with it. I’ve believed the lie that porn tells me every time, that I will find fulfillment but still find misery everytime I engaged in it. I started masturbating too. I want to stop this with all my heart. I would stop for sometime but would find myself back when anxiety strikes. I hate where I am. I don’t want it to affect my marriage in the future – my girlfriend is such a sweet godly girl. I don’t want her to go through the pain of a husband who is emotionally detached and addicted to something that is unrealistic. Please help!

Back

Submit Confession


Confession is the crucial first step to recovery. You can't move past your sexual addiction until you admit you have one. Sometimes we refer to confession as accountability. Let's start the process of healing today and join thousands of others by submitting a confession.

* Required fields
×