I knew but didn’t KNOW
My husband and I have been married 10 years and in the beginning of our marriage I found out that he struggled with porn addiction. He revealed that this has been a struggle since he was a child. I didn’t want to make things harder for him so I accepted the personal battles that he dealt with leaving them to him to defeat. I never badgered/weaponized the addiction against him. Ten years later, through an email device sync I discovered hundreds of videos viewed 3-6x daily my husband had performed. Not only was he watching porn frequently but he has also investigated escorts, sex purchase ads, and erotic massages. He’s gotten even more deeper into the addiction over time. Although the daily habits of views floored me, The videos didn’t hurt me as bad as his inquiries into buying sex online. I do not have plans for divorce at all. My fears are that I lose my best friend even more and his beliefs of inner self becomes even more distorted than it already is. His insecurities and self worth are already too much for one to take. I fear his curiosity of buying sex will one day be a reality.