I hate the person I am

I have been addicted to pornography for over 20 years. Absolutely hate myself for it. The shame and guilt I feel is overwhelming. My doubt that God loves me or will ever forgive me has completely eaten me alive. Over and over again I find myself at rock bottom. Begging and pleading with God. And yet every time I’m faced with the temptation…..every time I fail. It doesn’t make any sense at all. It makes me angry, it consumes me with fear, and it makes me sick. I hate myself for it.